I Miss My Best Friend

Hello kittens. My knitting has gone rogue since much of it is for Christmas. Today, as Thanksgiving nears and I am going on 40 days of working without a day off, I am thankful for many things. As many things as I am grateful for I am also lamenting things that I have lost.

I am thankful for my family. My Wee One...

is of the most wonderful things ever to have existed in the universe. As frustrating as she is, she is a million times more wonderful and glorious to behold than anything the 'verse has to offer. Splenderifious, I believe, is the word.

My Doll, 

or as I am thinking of calling him: El Jefe, is seriously one of the most brilliant people that has ever existed. The scarf is proof of that. It is the scarf that makes the man. And I made the scarf so...

But the name of this post references a best friend and that is what I am sorely missing today. There was once a person who was my best friend. This person embodied all that which is required of a best friend: trust, honesty, loveliness, truthfulness, and absolute loyalty. We never seem to miss those people until they're gone, do we?

I've never experienced the absoluteness of someone before. It is...shattering. Life-shattering. Life-altering. Forever changed, forever better no matter how long the friendship lasts. Days. Weeks. Years. Sometimes people have such profound impacts on our life we are irrevocably changed for the better. And, yes. I am changed for the better. Forever changed for the better.

I miss my friend. Have you ever had a friend that you miss with every fiber of your being? Their thread is woven so deeply into the fabric of your life that without them, you start to unravel?

I am a Whovian. I was BEYOND OVEREXCITED to watch the 50th anniversary episode. And when I had watched it I wanted to sit, over coffee, and discuss it at length. With my friend. Who isn't my friend anymore. It hit me hard today. My best friend used to listen. My best friend used to talk about everything with me. My friend used to talk about nothing with me. My best friend used to hug me. My best friend used to get excited for the things I got excited for. Even if it wasn't exciting. My best friend used to be there for me no matter what. My best friend used to be there.

Since losing my best friend I have made new friends. There are work friends, friends of friends, mom friends, used to date but are now just friends friends, and other various friends. Lots of friends. Everywhere friends. But no best friend. No one to run to when the shit hits the fan or even when the fan just stops working and the whole place smells to high heaven (what does that mean, exactly?) due to all the shit that hasn't hit the fan. Yet.

I mourn everyday for my friend. My friend was the best thing that had happened to my life until my Wee One. I would have gladly lived the rest of my life in blissful ignorance with my best friend if my Wee One hadn't come along. Completely unexpectedly come along. I mean along the lines of a miracle come along. But things never work out the way they should. Call it human nature. Call it karma. Call it kismit. Call it bullshit. Call it what you will but things rarely end in kisses and sappy music over end credits.

My best friend doesn't want to know me anymore. My best friend doesn't want to hear about my days. My nights. My life. My best friend doesn't want to know anything about me. My best friend helped make me what I am and my friend doesn't want to care. 

And I am the one to blame. And I want to talk to my best friend about all of this but I can't. And I miss him.